That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
