Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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