..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize