you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize