She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
MIDGETS
????
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
