Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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