Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
