Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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