Someone shit on the floor
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
