Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
