So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
