why do cheetos always look like penises
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
40s are totally the cure
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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