i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
