im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
did i just pee glitter
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