I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
