I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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