i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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