Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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