i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
