i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
