He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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