and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
