Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
