butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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