Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
