New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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