hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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