She's JV to your varsity
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
