I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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