I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
