I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
