No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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