If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
