Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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