i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
