Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
