I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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