I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
