you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
