Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
