Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
