Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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