clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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