i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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