He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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