My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
