What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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