when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize