I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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