never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
