i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
