You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
