I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
