You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
