First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
