Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize