I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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