i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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