Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
