I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
