Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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