I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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