Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
