But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
