I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
