Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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