??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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