I'm going to jail i love you
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize