I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
